k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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