I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize