the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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