So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
