I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
