based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize