I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
