im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
