I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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