How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
