Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
