Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
