How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
