Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
