Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
