Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
