I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize