Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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