Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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