look no pants
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
