didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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