You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
