all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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