So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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