I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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