Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
