I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
