May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
