After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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