I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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