smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
