last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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