took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
