I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
