I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
