I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
