She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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