May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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