I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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