This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
