Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
