Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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