So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
