Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
