yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The air was thick with penises
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
