I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
