We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
