"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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