Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
