if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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