Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
