My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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