I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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