im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We just shotgunned beers for America
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
