Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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