You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize