im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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