Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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