that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
