why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
