so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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