smell my finger.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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