well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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