No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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