I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it glows. i had to have it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize