the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
