Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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