I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
