i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
