Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
