you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
